my mind and my body are probably trying to tell me something. . .
i don't eat, i don't sleep, i don't shower.
that was today.
over the past few weeks i have either had days like today or periods of time where i eat too much, sleep too much, and wash my hands and face constantly, but still hardly ever shower.
i've been crying every night.
my dreams are becoming uncontrollably mixed and confused with reality.
i'm too hot. then too cold. and it changes all too fast.
i've been cleaning like a crazy person.
i hardly care what i wear anymore.
i lose the day, sitting in front of the computer or the Tv. even though i hate it.
i've been making lots of lists, but keep forgetting to do things anyway.
i seriously feel isolated. even with human interaction, i feel distant and un-attentive.
i don't look people in the eyes anymore, (i hardly even listen to what they are saying).
i can't just plow through work like i use to; my ability to focus long-term is completely gone.
my procrastination has never been this bad.
i suddenly have this invincibility complex
and my self-esteem is bi-polar.
i'm hyper-aware, but un-focused.
i'm exhausted, but not tired at all. (i could easily pass out right now, or stay awake all night without an effort. i feel like i could run a marathon without an effort, but the mere thought makes me want to lay in bed all day and recover from the run i didnt take).
i'm even clumsier than normal.
i look at things, recogonize them, mentally acknowledge them, but still feel like i'm not seeing them as they are.
do i sound crazy yet? or is all of this normal for you?
it isnt normal for me.
oh, one more thing. a good thing at least:
i have this heightened desire to create (and decorate);
i don't eat, i don't sleep, i don't shower.
that was today.
over the past few weeks i have either had days like today or periods of time where i eat too much, sleep too much, and wash my hands and face constantly, but still hardly ever shower.
i've been crying every night.
my dreams are becoming uncontrollably mixed and confused with reality.
i'm too hot. then too cold. and it changes all too fast.
i've been cleaning like a crazy person.
i hardly care what i wear anymore.
i lose the day, sitting in front of the computer or the Tv. even though i hate it.
i've been making lots of lists, but keep forgetting to do things anyway.
i seriously feel isolated. even with human interaction, i feel distant and un-attentive.
i don't look people in the eyes anymore, (i hardly even listen to what they are saying).
i can't just plow through work like i use to; my ability to focus long-term is completely gone.
my procrastination has never been this bad.
i suddenly have this invincibility complex
and my self-esteem is bi-polar.
i'm hyper-aware, but un-focused.
i'm exhausted, but not tired at all. (i could easily pass out right now, or stay awake all night without an effort. i feel like i could run a marathon without an effort, but the mere thought makes me want to lay in bed all day and recover from the run i didnt take).
i'm even clumsier than normal.
i look at things, recogonize them, mentally acknowledge them, but still feel like i'm not seeing them as they are.
do i sound crazy yet? or is all of this normal for you?
it isnt normal for me.
oh, one more thing. a good thing at least:
i have this heightened desire to create (and decorate);
to be creative beyond my acknowledged ability.
i don't know what this all means, or if it means anything at all. i just feel like i'm being spun around really fast so that everything in me going haywire.
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